Mom vs The Zombie

Mom vs The Zombie

“But I want to be a zombie!”

“A zombie? Why? You’re nine. Can’t you be something cute – like a fairy or a cat? What about Cinderella?”

“I could be a Cinderella zombie.”

Mom rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. “We are not buying zombie stuff. End of story. So either pick something else or let’s go.”

“Fine. Let’s go.”

****

“It sounds like she’s a lot like her mama.” Dad scanned the newspaper as he spoke.

“That’s ridiculous. I would have never wanted to be a zombie for halloween.”

“Maybe not. But you would have wanted to be something other than what everyone wanted you to be.”

“See, dad thinks you should let me be a zombie.”

Mom and dad both turned to the doorway, surprised at the interruption. Mom raised her eyebrows and moved her gaze from Julie to dad.

“Whoa, sweetie, don’t go putting words in my mouth. I don’t recall giving an opinion about your costume.” He stifled a laugh when he looked at Julie, her facial expression almost identical to her mother’s.

After a few moments of silence he realized neither was going to let him off the hook without giving an opinion. “I think we should allow Julie to be expressive in her costume, but we need to find something that both of you can agree on.”

“See! He agrees with me. You should let me be a zombie.”

“He also thinks that shirt he’s wearing matches those pants. What does that tell us?”

Dad looked down at this clothes trying to figure out how the conversation had turned to his wardrobe. Julie rolled her eyes and walked out.

“So you think I should let her be a zombie?”

“I think… I should go change my shirt.”

“Good idea. I’m going to the store to get some groceries for supper.”

*****

“Ewww! What is that?” Julie backed away from the plate her mom had just placed in front of her.

“Brains. Doesn’t it smell delicious?”

Julie stole a look at dad to see his reaction. Judging by his face he didn’t seem to know what this was either. “Seriously, mom, what is this? It looks disgusting.”

“You want to be a zombie, right? Zombies eat brains. Think of this as your initiation into zombie-hood. Don’t worry, honey, it’s not human brains. That would be illegal. It’s cow brains.”

“Gross!”

“You’re the one who wanted to be a zombie. I’m just allowing you to be expressive.”

Dad didn’t have to look at her to know she was looking at him as she finished that sentence. “I don’t recall wanting to be a zombie. And, this stuff does look disgusting.”

“I’m sure you’ll be supportive of Julie’s choice, though, right?”

“You’re asking if I’ll eat this? I don’t know.”

A smile broke across Julie’s face as she pushed the plate away. “Ok. That was funny, mama. You had me going for a moment. What’s really for dinner?”

Mom’s face showed no hint of a smile. “This is what’s for dinner.” With that she returned to the kitchen and brought two more plates of brains.

Dad wrinkled his nose as she sat his plate in front of him, but he wasn’t about to say anything.

“Here’s the deal, Julie. You eat a plate of brains and you can be a zombie for Halloween.”

“It’s a good thing you didn’t ask to be a dung beetle.” Dad tried to break the tension, but his smile was met with incredulous looks.

Julie stiffened her back and gave her mother a stern look. “Fine. If I need to eat brains, I’ll eat brains.”

She picked up her fork and scooped up some of the mess on her plate. The closer she examined it, the worse it looked. It had a yellow-green tint. There were parts that looked like meat mixed with light colored chunks of an unknown substance. It was oily and there were hard,crunchy-looking things scattered throughout. She tried not to gag, mustering the courage to eat it. She held it under her nose to smell it. “Are you sure this is edible?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. In some places it’s considered a delicacy.” Mom stirred the brains on her plate with a fork and blew on it as if cooling it off.

Julie resolved not to back down. She stuck out her tongue and lifted her fork towards her mouth. Her face scrunched further as she got closer to it. She jerked her head back as soon as soon as it touched her tongue. “Ewww. It tastes horrible.”

“How do you know? You barely touched it.” Mom laughed.

“I don’t see you eating it?” The blob of food dropped from Julie’s fork as she spoke, splashing some on her blouse. She raised her hands in disgust before wiping it off with her napkin. She scooped her fork into it again and raised it toward her mouth, pausing just inches from her mouth.

“Come on, dear. It can’t be that hard.” Mom scooped up a fork-full and popped it in her mouth. She wrinkled her nose a bit as she exaggerated her chewing.

Julie dropped her fork as her other hand covered her mouth. Her throat gagged as she ran toward the door. “Fine! I’ll be a witch!”

Mom and dad sat in silence until mom resumed eating.

Dad watched her for a moment shaking his head. “What is this?”

“Corned beef hash with a little food coloring. Oh, and I added some bread crumbs to give it a little crunch. I guess you can have her plate too.”

27 Comments

  1. Is it possible that such a scene has played out a little close to home? That was great! I was hoping she’d eat the faux-brains anyway, or protest “it’s just for one night!” but it was a funny story all around.

    • We haven’t had anything quite like this, but I could definitely see it happening as my wife and daughter are both pretty strong willed. (But you didn’t hear that from me.) 🙂

  2. Hahaaa! That was so funny! I laughed a lot and I laughed out loud at this line “I could be a Cinderella zombie.”

    Psychology wins every time 😉

    Ps: I’ve subcribed by email – thanks! ^__^

    • Thanks, Helen! (And thanks for prompting me to get the email subscription feature set up.)

  3. Oh Chuck, this is so funny, I thought the way the blame kept getting cleverly deflected in the Dad’s direction was hilarious. This has just given a me a smiley start to my weekend. Thank you. 😀 😀 😀

    • Thanks, Steve. I’m glad I could get a smile from you. Poor dad just couldn’t seem to get out of this one, could he?

  4. That was a GENIUS idea by her mother! This has been one of my favourite Halloween stories so far.

    • Thanks, Icy! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  5. If my kid wanted to new something scary instead of a frakking princess, I’d be so proud. But the mom’s trick? Genius.

    • I agree, individuality is good. I just with my two oldest would still dress up. They think they’re too old for it now. I think a few more years and then they’ll be back into it, though. 🙂

  6. This was great. Funny and it carried me along really well.

    You seem to know these characters very well…

    • Thanks for the kind comment, Peter. I do live with quite a few characters so maybe there is some similarity. 🙂

  7. Score another one for mom, they always seem to win. Corned beef hash with some breadcrumbs sounds good to me right about now. I enjoyed this, very clever and fun.

    • Thanks, Richard. I see you’re a connoisseur of brains too? 🙂

  8. The dialogue zings in this story. Wouldn’t want to be on the otherside of Mother at the negotiation table. She cooks dirty.

    • Thanks, Aidan. Yeah, mom is a tough one. 🙂

  9. That was great! I need to be a little more thought conscience when we have disagreements with our littlest one…

    The clothes not matching, I’m used to that. It’s like water off a ducks back to me…. Now….

    Good lesson.

    • Thanks, Floyd. Do you find that you have respond differently with each child? I do with mine. It’s amazing how different they can be. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.

      • Yes definitely! They all have different personalities, strengths and weaknesses. While the rules are all the same, how we teach and enforce them is specific to the child. The oldest two are old enough now, so it’s not as much about teaching to them, more about guidance. The little one is a good kid, we’re just getting tired!

  10. Brilliant all around on this one. Poor Dad getting caught in the middle and props for Mom finding a creative way to turn the argument.

    • Thanks, Tim!

  11. This was great! I love the ending. But I have to tell you, my husband, used to eat squirrel brains scrambled with eggs… Honest. And please note, I said HE used to eat them. I enjoyed the scrambled eggs though 🙂

    A great story, and good to see you writing again.

    • Squirrel brains? Ewww! Did you cook them? Or was he on his own for that? I’ve eaten some strange things, but never brains.

  12. LOL The brain bit is funny.

    • Thanks, Sonia!

  13. Loved it. Talk about a taste of her own medicine.

  14. What a neat story. Something like this could have happened at my house when our kids were growing up. There were some things I simply would not allow – – but I probably would have let my daughter be a zombie if she wanted to. I never served brains, but this mother sure had a good substitute to prove her point.