This is a public service message about GPS navigation systems. If you are a married man and you use a GPS navigational system please follow these simple instructions as soon as possible:

  1. Find the “voice” settings on your GPS unit.
  2. Select a “Male” voice.
  3. It is now safe to continue using your device.
Most GPS units today allow the user to select from a range of voices. Selections include male/female, US/British/French, etc. The TomTom units even allow you to download celebrity voices such as Austin Powers, Homer Simpson, Yoda or Sean Connery. The choices are numerous.
For some reason, though, many GPS units are shipped with the default voice set to female. For married men this can pose a problem. No, I’m not talking about improper relationships, I’m talking about our ability to listen. Once a man says “I do” and places the ring on his finger his mind automatically begins to filter out the female voice. This is the gift that allows us to watch football games without hearing our wives ask us to take out the trash. In fact, some men can tune out their wives for weeks at a time. Well, total tune out is not possible for that long of a period, but they are able to filter it down to unintelligible gibberish- much like the teacher on Charlie Brown cartoons. “Wa Wa Wa Wa, Wa Wa Wa.”
Another problematic side affect of having the GPS voice set to female is that men tend to argue with it. This tends to decrease the usefulness of the device.
GPS Unit: “Right turn in 30 feet”
Husband Driver: “Nah, I know a short cut.”
But Seriously: Do you tune out your spouse? Wives can be guilty of this too. How many times do we barely listen and simply nod our heads because we’re paying attention to something else? Wasting your GPS unit would be a small problem. Wasting your marriage is tragic. So pay attention!
What about you, reader? Any stories to share of a spouse that didn’t pay attention? Any advice for how to force ourselves to truly listen?