Photo by TinkerTailor on Flickr
“Stop that! They will see us.”
“I can’t help it – especially when I’m scared.”
“Hurry, over here into these trees.”
“Ha ha ha ha ha!”
“Ohhh. I hate that sound. Sometimes I have nightmares about it.”
“Don’t worry. Just keep moving and follow me.”
“Oops”
“Please focus. Every time you do that you tell them where we are.”
“I just want to go home. Why did we have to go this far? Daddy warned me about these monsters.”
“It’s going to be ok. Just try to keep up with me and keep moving back and forth like I am.”
“Luz said that last year the monsters caught a boy in her class and they never saw him again.”
“Yeah, that was Glint. I knew him too. But he was a daredevil. He liked to see how close he could get to them and still get away.”
“Really? Why would he do that?”
“Boys do weird things. I think that’s what makes them boys.”
“Are you sure we’re going the right direction? Oops”
“Will you stop that? Yes, I know my way around these woods. We just have to work our way around the edge of this field. If you would quit giving away our position we could be out of danger already.”
“Look out!”
“Go to the ground!”
“Where is it?”
“It’s right in front of us. Just lie still and whatever you do, don’t light up.”
“Oh, Sparkle, I’m so sorry. I can’t control it. Mama says she’s gonna take me to Dr. Lumen if it keeps up. I’m so scared.”
“It’s ok. Everybody goes through that stage. I think I have a plan, though.”
“Ok”
“Follow me to the edge of the field. We’ll wait until your glow flashes and then I’ll flash mine too. Then we will fly as fast as we can across the middle of the field. We’re both fast flyers.”
“I’m the fastest in my class at school.”
“You will probably flash again about half way across, but don’t stop.”
“Ok. But I’m still scared.”
“Get ready. We’ll wait here until your next flash.”
“Do you see any monsters?”
“If you listen carefully you can hear that awful noise we heard earlier. It’s not close, so we should be ok.”
“What do you think they do to us if they catch us?”
“Old man Flicker says he was captured once.”
“Mama says he’s crazy.”
“Yeah, so do my parents, but he says he was trapped in some kind of clear container. He could fly around, but only a certain distance in each direction. It was like a force field.”
“What did they do to him?”
“He says they just looked at him for a while and then let him go.”
“You think that really happened?”
“Go! Now! Keep going and don’t stop.”
“I think I see one!”
“Keep going!”
“It’s getting closer.”
“If one tries to grab you make a quick dash to the left and then go straight again.”
“You sound far away. Do I need to slow down?”
“No. Keep going as fast as you…”
“What happened? Oh no! It’s got you.”
“Keep going! As fast as you can!”
****
“Mama! Mama! A monster got Sparkle!”
“Honey, slow down. What do you mean? What happened?”
“It was horrible. We were in moonlight field and the monsters came out. We tried to get away, but I kept flashing. If only I could stop flashing. It’s all my fault…”
“Slow down, dear. You’re talking too fast for me to understand you.”
“Yeah, she’s a fast one, alright. I couldn’t even keep up with her.”
“Sparkle! You’re alright? How did you get away? It had you captured.”
“Yeah, it was scary, but when you turned and flashed, it release me for a second. I think it was trying to get you too, but you were too fast. That was all the break I needed.”
“I didn’t even know I flashed.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. You saved my life.”
Photo by TinkerTailor on Flickr. Used in accordance with the associated license.
This was cute. It took me a while to figure out what you had going on, but once I caught it, it was fun to see it play out.
Thanks, Laurita. Do you think it would have been better for me to reveal that they were fireflies earlier in the story? I tried to leave that unknown for a while at the beginning.
Good story! And all in dialogue without any dialogue, which is pretty impressive.
I really like this line: Boys do weird things. I think that’s what makes them boys.
Thanks, Sonia. Writing it with all dialogue was one of my goals this week. After reading one of John Wiswell’s all-dialogue stories, I wanted to give it a try. There were several times I wanted to break out in description – which showed me that I probably use too much description and internal dialogue.
I’m glad you liked that line. It’s not a direct quote from my daughter, but I’m pretty sure I learned that from her. 🙂
Clever! Like Laurita, it took me a little while to figure it out, but it was fun to read.
Thanks, FAR. I’ll ask you the same question that I asked Laurita. Do you think it would have helped to reveal what they were at the beginning? Or at least reveal what the monsters were?
I like the story just as it is. Had you revealed earlier, it wouldn’t been as much fun. 😉
Hi Mari, Thanks for that feedback. This is why I love FridayFlash; it gives the chance to experiment and see what people think.
Great story. Loved it. Once I figured out what was going on, it was very cute. The Secret Life of Fireflies.
These all-dialogue stories are challenging but fun, aren’t they? Florida Writers Association just took submissions for an antho of all-dialogue stories and I submitted one for it. I didn’t want to try it at first but once you establish the voice of your characters, it’s not too hard.
I loved reading this…great lead up to the slow reveal of them being fireflies. 🙂
Hi Maria, Yes, it was quite challenging. And it was fun seeing how often I wanted to drop back into description or internal dialogue. And you’re right about the characters, once you figure them out it gets easier.
I cottoned on to what they were just before you made it clearer. Loved th story, and humans can be monsters…..
I think the fun part of this story was slowly realising what they were.
Thanks, Helen! Regarding the monsters, I considered writing a follow up piece that showed the parents watching a cute little kid run around a field catching fireflies, giggling all the way. After all, the story idea came from a recent firefly-catching session with my daughter. 🙂
This is a really smile-inducing short story, I must admit I thought they were fairies until I read the comments, then on the second read-through it all became very clear. Wonderfully cute story. 🙂
Now that you mention it, I can see how fairies would fit the story just as well. Thanks for sharing your first impression!
Chuck, positively sweet use of the all-dialogue format. A little Clavell-like in its suggested perversion at times, making it all the more entertaining. The voices are lively and dynamic. Did I help inspire this with my ridiculous Up High?
Yes, you did inspire this with your story Up High. After I read that I decided I wanted to give an all-dialogue story a try.
In fact, you were partially involved in both of my goals for this week as the second goal was to write a story with a happy ending. That, of course, was based on a twitter conversation I observed a few days ago. I can’t remember who all was involved in the conversation, though.
BTW, which Clavell books/movies do you like?
I’m actually working on a full blog post about happy endings.
I’ve loved every Clavell novel I’ve read so far: King Rat, Shogun, Taipan and Gai-Jin. He has a knack for character, if not historical accuracy.
Loved it. When I started reading, it was very natural to think that it was girls who were being chased. But then slowly as I read forth, it became clear to me. I guess that made the story were interesting. Very creative Chuck 🙂
Thanks, Denzil! I’m glad the pace of the reveal worked for you and I do appreciate the feedback.
Very clever story. I wondered where it was going, but then the light bulb went on. Great use of dialogue without description. I must try it sometime.
Adam B @revhappiness
Thanks, Adam. It was a fun experiment.
Amazing that you managed to do this without any descriptions. I find dialogue pretty difficult so I am doubly impressed. Good one!
My main problem, usually, is that I rely on description too much mixed into the dialogue. I found myself wanting to drop out of the dialogue quite a bit.
I enjoyed trying to work out what or who these characters were as much as i enjoyed their brush with danger and escape. All-dialogue stories can be a refreshing change and a challenge: you have to work harder to move the story on.
Thanks for that feedback, Justin. I think I’ll play around with the all-dialogue style some more at some point.
I loved how you slowly revealed who they really were, and all in dialog none the less. Well done and very adroit writing.
I think somebody else mentioned this line, but I also loved it. “Boys do weird things. I think that’s what makes them boys.” That was awesome.
Great story.
Thanks, Michael!
What a fun story! I like that you didn’t reveal it until later in the story. We don’t get lightning bugs out here (that’s what they’re called in Oklahoma) and I miss them sometimes. 🙂
Thanks, Danni! We call them lightning bugs too, but I thought that was a regional thing. 🙂
Nice, nice. And scary!
Very nicely done! 🙂
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