Sometimes I’m not sure what is worse, pets or pet owners. Before you get offended, though, please understand that I am also a pet owner. In fact, I feel like I should have a Noah’s Ark patch for all the animals with which I’ve shared our home. Since marrying my wife I have had the opportunity to own (or co-own) a duck, a rooster, several hens, numerous dogs, a guinea pig, a ferret, a gerbil, rabbits, fish and countless cats. I do understand how precious animals can be at times. However, there are a few points that need to be made that cannot be spoken in that goofy little baby talk language people use when describing their little pooky wookie. These things need to be said.

  • Licking is Gross – I don’t care how sweet or cute your little monster is their tongue is gross. You do realize that the same tongue that is licking your face is the same tongue that critter just used to lick their butt or other areas? It’s like shaking hands with someone who just left the bathroom without washing their hands, only worse – way worse.
  • Pets make horrible FaceBook friends – When I accepted your FaceBook friend request, I wanted to keep up with you – not your pet. The occasional photo or humorous story is cool, but daily posts make me question your sanity. I think a general rule is that you should talk about your pets as often as you talk about your in-laws. Furthermore, including your pet in your profile picture is cute, having the animal replace you causes me to be concerned. Generally I do not accept friend requests from animals. Lastly, if you created a separate account and post as your animal, well… I’ll just say… that’s what Twitter is for.
  • No. I don’t want your free kitten – And neither does my wife or daughter so don’t even ask them! Trust me on that one and we can still be friends.

This post is part of Peter Pollock’s One Word At A Time Blog Carnival. For more posts about pets check out the listing here.

What do you think? Am I right? Or am I just a fuddy-duddy?